The Nature of Reality
Although I am no expert in the field of psychology, I would like to talk a bit about what I’ve come to understand about how the pain-body/shadow self causes so much suffering. Suffering seems to be so much a part of the human condition, it does not serve us to dismiss it. In fact, the only way we will ever end suffering is to look at it closely. Oh no…it is not pleasant to face our demons, but you know what? We all have them. In fact, I would dare say we have two kinds.
When we are first born into this experience, we have no concept of right and wrong, good and bad. As newborn babies, we are in the purest form of acceptance. We are one with everything, and we observe without judging. A few months after a baby is born, however, the child starts observing its hand. At that moment, there is a point of separation from the mother. The baby begins to sense it has a “self.” While it is sometimes fun to be separated from others, it also causes the baby to become a bit fearful. Generally, the mother cannot stray too far from the child without the baby crying, and the baby understands that crying is the thing that causes the mother to return. As time goes on, language is introduced, and the naming of things causes even further separation because it is now even more evident that this thing and that thing are not the same. As the baby becomes more aware of this separation, he or she may begin to experience a bit of anxiety toward “others.” The child starts to cling to its parents. Fear will sometimes cause the toddler to act out, and this behavior will be reprimanded by the parents, which, in turn, births the feeling of anger. Tantrums are now common. Good and bad have entered the child’s world. The curious nature of the child is constantly testing the parents, as he or she begins to play the game of right and wrong, good and bad. Sometimes actions are rewarded, but other times, they are discouraged or punished. Depending on the intensity of the emotion attached to the event, the experience can be merely unpleasant or extremely upsetting. This process evolves, throughout early childhood, and by the time the child is six or seven years old, a huge laundry list of upsets are now part of that child’s experience of life. The good experiences and minor problems tend to pass through the energy field, resolving themselves. However, the more intense and unpleasant events–those which had strong negative emotions felt with them–remain in the energy field. As time goes on, more and more events causing that same emotion are stored in that same area, and a block is formed. Left unaddressed, these blocks lurk in the person’s unconscious awareness, constantly activating and attracting more of the same. The person is, more than likely, completely unaware of this. These stored negative memories do not feel good, so one of two things starts to happen. The person will disassociate from that emotion, projecting it onto people and events around him or her, or he or she will repress that emotion in a an attempt to bury the pain.
What happens to us, as we move through our journey of life, is that these repressed and disassociated negative emotions form what some called a shadow self. Eckhart Tolle calls it the pain-body. These are basically the same thing…the unaddressed, negative energy-body of our wounded past. Don’t mistake this for something merely emotional or subconscious. It is also physiological. This can be demonstrated by asking yourself if you have any painful memories from your past. If you answered that you do (and I cannot imagine anyone who cannot bring up something!), then begin to describe that experience to someone else. As you do, notice how you are feeling. Does the memory activate feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, fear, etc.? Yes! Now, notice where you are feeling that emotion in your body. If you feel sad, you will most likely point to your heart, but you may discover you feel it somewhere else, as well. If you are angry, do you feel that in your solar plexus? Chest? Shoulders? Head? For every person, it will be different, but just start to become aware that emotions are not only psychological, they are also very much physiological.
When we disassociate from negative emotions, we see them in others. In fact, we attract those type of people and events into our own experience. Why? It is an attempt to reclaim them. Your shadow will not be denied, but the monster in the closet is really not your enemy! If we stopped running from it, we would see its only purpose was to tell us something important about ourselves. However, because we are not willing to see this aspect in ourselves, we have pulled in and added to our blocks. We feed the monster that stalks us, but we never look at it. Thus, even though we believe other people are the ones with the problems and it is “they” causing us such problems, it is really us doing it all. Everything in our experience is being choreographed by ourselves. What we see in others that disturbs us is what we are not willing to see in ourselves. Ask yourself what kind of people, events, actions, or experiences bother you. List them! Become aware of times in your own past when you acted in a similar way. If you see many selfish people around you, then see if you have been selfish. What made you disown being selfish? Were you told it is shameful to only think of yourself? Ask yourself the tough questions…why wasn’t it okay for me to be selfish? Who told me it was wrong? Did something happen to me, as a child, to make me not want to be selfish? What was it? If we don’t do this, we are likely going to suffer physical problems, somewhere down the line. When the block can no longer be contained, it will explode into your current experience in some form of disease or problem. High blood pressure, heart attacks, migraine headaches, accidents, and so forth are pulled into the experience.
When we repress negative emotions, we push them into deep, dark corners. We punish ourselves with our own denial. Ah yes…resistance! Yes…what we resist, persists! That shadow or pain-body is not going to be denied, in spite of our attempts to bury our heads in the sand. Repressed negative emotions tend to “eat at” us. They often surface as the diseases that attack the self…auto-immune illnesses, cancer, ulcers, etc. Because we are uncomfortable with these negative aspects, we choose to ignore them. If we don’t look at them they aren’t real, right? This might feel better, for a while, but denial is one river that will push you up a creek with no paddle. This monster is really frightening because we never see it in others. Where is it? We hear the ominous music and we are aware something lurks in the shadows, but we hide under the covers and hope it will just go away. It doesn’t. We sigh, deeply, and blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong. We discover this monster is within. When we repress these memories, we never gain from the experience. We can, however, finally shine a light into those corners and see the monsters for what they really are. Opportunities! We can remember the shame and denial came from a belief that it wasn’t okay to have such feelings. Who told us that was so? Were they “right?” Why don’t we feel comfortable with feeling that emotion? Did we learn to do only what pleases others, and might that have come from a desire to feel safe and loved? What will happen if we allow?
Once we confront the pain-body or shadow self, we allow ourselves the chance to catch our breath. All that running got us nowhere, did it? That’s because we were running from ourselves. Our humanness. But now, we are ready to embrace all aspects of ourselves, knowing the darkness is just a way to see the light. We are in the experience of being human, but we are never, never apart from that which we are a part of. Our beliefs…learned beliefs…drew us further and further into the illusion of separation. We know better now. We evolved.
Why is it necessary to look at that which we’ve denied? Because until we do, it will be held within…attracting more of the same. It holds us in the past, biting our ankles and gnawing at our feet. It keeps us from moving forward. Once we allow ourselves to feel the pain, we are brought back into the now moment. Here, we are safe and we find ourselves sensing the beauty all around us. The biting and gnawing ceases to have any power over us. Now, we can move ahead without underlying distractions pulling us back into the past. No more whispers from the past call us out from Being. We see our path with clarity. We toss out our outdated maps and follow our hearts. The projection is focused.
We’re surrounded and held within Being. We’ve always been safe. We’ve always been loved. All along, we needed only to change the channel.
The programmed frequency gives us a human experience of good and bad–a horror movie, drama, romance or comedy–but a flick of the remote will instantly change all we once thought was absolute. We labeled one type good and another bad, and we decided which types we prefer to watch. Sometimes others had the control, and it was from them we learned what was acceptable and what was not. We believed them. We obeyed them and followed their rules as if they were the truth, because we wanted to be loved and accepted. We wanted to be safe. All of it was neither good nor bad, however. It just was and is.
And then, there are those frequencies that look like nothing but snow. Could that be the real essence of everything? Early on, I was taught to quickly move past that channel, because it was nothing. I now stare at it and wonder if it is everything! Alas…that might be just another perception, though. Could there be frequencies I’ve yet experienced and would I know them if I tuned into them? I sense the need to remain alert and aware.
And we always have the option of turning it off or looking inside to see the whole thing is nothing but a projection of light into darkness. Which one is reality?
They all are.
I AM…Jodi
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